Hope you enjoy this!

Just 3 words

Soft steps

in you came

With patience and a steady pace

you walked the way

Eyes following I was with you

Watching, waiting for the click

In you went

out you came

I waited, watched the crack beneath the door

Eyes searching

Ears straining

The click never came

The light never went bright

Why Father?

All this just so that

My eyes will remain closed

undisturbed by the tiny beam of light

The night refuses to end

Yesterday may become Today

I will not stop

Until I say

Never mind the sleep

I have slept enough

Awake, I am, finally to you

To show the due place

as deserves you

This blog was full, but for you

So I say…..

I’m nothing, but for a few beliefs

My courage

My Philosphy

My Strength

My belief in justice

My hope in humanity

My Love for reading

The books, the writing,  this blog, these words

Were your gifts.

You never had to give

It was always flowing through my veins

All this time

I was seeing you

Never inside you

I opened my eyes today

to see that

You opened my heart .

Today. A good day. A good night.

I wish to say

my best words now

Only I can’t think

anything to make you safe

so many of you

none unhappy

so small, yet the smiles are broadest

So same

You and I

But

what flows in me

ticks like a bomb in you

.

I cannot tell what

you are not old enough to understand

Children of the blood

you will be called

we are the same

but just a sign different

I’m -ve

You are +ve

.

Dedicated to the HIV+ children of Shanthi Ashram.

Wha..when..where

It was the most exciting day for this blog. Jingle introduced me to her readers, who were mostly poets. Their comments where overwhelming. For the first time, there were a bunch of poets reading and appreciating my work. Until then, there was only one online poet, slpmartin, that I could read or learn from. It was pay-day when I found so many poets who were really good at their writing.

Kavita’s writing stopped me in my tracks. Here was someone who was great at writing, exceptionally cheerful and one of the few who can actually make me laugh with her writing.

I’m too busy trying to balance work-life-blog and can hardly find time to  squeeze in surfing time. Kavita not only finds time to read my stuff, but she likes it so much that she wants to give me an award!

Coming from her, a beautiful writer,  I knew this was a proud moment. Her comment was the first thing I saw today and she wanted to give me an award – WoW! and then clicking on that link took me to her post.

Oh no….

It was pink. Pink! No offence ladies but I hate that color, I never left a chance to ridicule guys who wear pink. One of my favorite targets is my bro.

There I was, wondering if I could shade it another color and then I read Kavita’s comment. I couldn’t help but smile:-). She understood that this was un-manly, but still passed it on.

I humbly accept!

There are few extra things required along with my acceptance. I will try to satisfy as best as I can

1) Thank You KAVITA
2) Things to share about me, this post is best place to start and then you can read my 8 lines.
3) The rules state that I have to forward this award. In my short blogging history, I only really know/follow 2-3 bloggers , and almost all (Kavita) already have this award.

But I know one person to give this award.

She is a She

She is an excellent poet and good friend of slpmartin - one of the best poets I know online.

And her blog is completely  in pink!!

She is Jade

Not just a pink award

If you think this is a simple image of pink roses, you are wrong. It represents much more. I found some time to understand this award and just into 2 levels (links) deep, I found two individuals who know their craft – writing.

Lisa – She is a published writer with a simple, yet well-written blog. One post actually talks about the virtues of the color pink. Almost convinced me But she does have a point.

Ollin – A budding writer who blogs about his current project – finishing his first novel.

Thanks Kavita for opening this world to me.

A stupid logic

I know of only one thing to do for a living – test software. If I lose this job, I will find another company with  a similar job or another mundane career.

Secretly I wish, to lose this job and nobody offers me anything similar. So that I can force myself to re-invent, or risk trying to meet my dreams. So others (family, friends, well-wishers) accept that I don’t have a choice but become “different”.

But that’s unbelievably stupid, it’s like saying “I wish nobody sells me cigarettes, so I can stop smoking” – WTF! who are you trying to kid, your consciousness?

OR

I wish to get the attitude of a successful writer or Bill Gates or Steve Jobs or My Brother

Duh! Dude you are just talking to yourself. You wish for something and you know the answer. ARE you kiddin’ me!!!??

Uneasy questions

Do you think you are successful, in terms of wealth?

Do you think you are MORE successful than others?

No?

Do you think you are MORE successful than the fat bribe-hungry government clerks?

Do you think you are MORE successful than the sweepers, office boys, security guards at work?

Do you think you are MORE successful than the daily wage earning construction workers or factory workers?

Yes? (If you have enough time, a computer and internet connection to read this post, the answer would be Yes)

Okay now think about the WHY?

First things that come to mind – Education, Family wealth, Hard Work, Luck, Fate

NOW. You know where you are, and you know where you are going (career wise), and you definitely know where you are NOT going – a govt clerk, factory worker, office boys, security guards, daily laborer.

You and I KNOW that we will NEVER work in any of those jobs. What makes us 100% sure?

Instead of looking downwards, lets look upwards – towards entrepreneurship, start-ups, radical dream careers (a writer?), towards politics, starting a charity.

We always dreamed of these “things” in life, but in the next instant, reality comes rushing back – too risky, no time, I have a family, no money, I’m just a graduate,I’m comfortable, too soft, not enough connections and on and on.

There are hundred reasons not to risk what we have. But not even one reason to try.

I know of one person who will ask – WHY NOT? – N R Naryana Murthy

100% sure?

We are 100% confident of not falling down to being a government clerk. But can only dream (2% confidence) of entrepreneurship , politics, change agent.

A govt clerk can only dream of becoming a professional. But is 100% confident that he will never become a security guard.

A security guard is happy with his life and his simple job, and he is sure that he will never have to carry office supplies.

A daily wage worker is resigned to his life. But he is almost sure that he will not have to “beg” in the streets of our poor country.

What is the pattern here?

My point – Attitude

Others say that all human beings have the same intelligence. I agree. So what differentiates me and the above people?

Answer – Attitude, this is the reason.

I came into learning an attitude which makes me a career professional. Office boy was raised to aim for a decent job as an office boy at an MNC.

I have enough education, more than the required share of experience in a job. All I need now is the right attitude – an entrepreneur, writer, rock climber, athlete, philanthropist, life coach  .

Break Out

We love the status quo , we believe that this is the  right livelihood and try all through life to adjust to our circumstances.  The whole world (around you) wants you to keep up the things as they are. You are where you are and you will (should) stay where you are.

“Be happy with what you have”.

I say “Don’t fool yourself about your capabilities”.

Stop! Draw out the Lizard brain (as Seth Godin says). Don’t accept the path of least resistance. Break-out! Cut the shackles of society, upbringing, peers, your own insecurities.

Don’t even trust your own intelligence – it was tampered over the years, bent into the shape  society wants.

Follow your heart.

Notice your instincts.

Listen to your inner voice.

and let your mind fly free.

For the thousands of “normal” people, there are hundreds who broke-out and JUST DID IT (Lisa is one among them,I found her through Kavita’s award)

First steps – Aware

Be aware, talk to yourself. Understand your excuses. Stop kiddin’ yourself.

I once read this, don’t know where.

“You already know everything you need to start something”

You already have enough knowledge about business, about writing, about computers. You just HAVE to take the first step – Action!!

Any further reading or learning that you are doing is just to convince yourself to take the risk for the first new step. So stop hesitating and take action, you will learn more as you go

Never believe Narla!

I could tell all the great tips from self-help books, I could explain philosophy from the Bible or Koran Or Geeta. But nobody will care two hoots.

Why Not?

Keshav has not proved anything. We need proof of greatness before we accept anything.

I don’t ask you to believe me or anyone. Just believe in yourself. Observe, analyze, talk, think, judge.

As for me, I still haven’t done anything that I’ve rambled on so far.

But this is my first step!

I write this as much for myself as for you. I owe this first step (this blog) to myself and the tiny section of people who believe in me.

I’m trying to be much more than ME

I, in particular, had more than my “normal “share. In fact, you could consider me in the top 20%.

So here are 5 of my “Moments of Madness”. Don’t try to understand, don’t judge. Just have fun

1) Sleep? Naah.. Who Needs it?

In the early years of my career, I was “over” passionate about my work. I was working on preparing a 200 page document of the project. Somehow time became non-existent while working on this.

For the first time in my life, I was awake for 72 hours at a stretch.

For 3 days, I was in the office working without sleep. I didn’t even take a bath.

Wait, it gets better. After working for straight 72 hours,

I went home.

Slept 8 hours.

Came back to work and stayed again for 48 hours.

This should have been impossible. So, no wonder, there were consequences. I fell sick and suffered for an entire month.

Really crazy thing to do. But quite a story to tell any fresh graduates joining my industry

2) Disclaimer: This stunt on you-tube should not be attempted.

Broke the hand. But not the smile

If only there was such kind of a disclaimer when I was watching a You-tube video about a guy doing a stunt on his motorbike.

This guy was riding through traffic, when he let go of his hands, laid back with his arms behind his head, started making a call on his mobile – ON A MOVING  BIKE!

Link for Video

I could not believe my eyes when I saw that stunt on you-tube. Damn! This guy was good. I was wondering, if only I could find the guts to try something like that.

Alas, turned out that I did have the guts and enough craziness to try it.

Been there. Done it. Broke it.

To cut a long story short.

Tried the same stunt on my shiny new 10-day old Enfield thunderbird.

Ran into a friend.

Crashed.

Broke my right hand.

The first attempt went well

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rx-00N7b0-0]

Shouldn’t have tried again. 5 seconds before impact!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4o-jc3xOd4o]

Hopefully, this post will be reminder to all you kids out there – Don’t watch You-tube!

3) Never Give up. Even when life is slippery.

Impossible is nothing

I and a friend (venkat) went biking in the Himalayas. Venkat rented a pulsar and I took the big blue 350 kg Enfield Thunderbird.

Our destination for the day – Khardung la, a pass 18,000 feet above sea level. The road through that is said to be the highest motor able road in the world.

But right after passing the peak, we ran into trouble – Black Ice on the Road.

Ever try riding a motorcycle on ice? Impossible!

Now try riding a 350 kg “road king” motorcycle. On black ice. Through a snowfall (BTW I was seeing snow for the first time in my life)

Only the foolish attempt the unknown. Only the “Real Mad ones” prevail.

Against all reasoning, we attempted to cross the 100 meter stretch of ice and this was after we saw a truck getting stuck in it.

We not only tried, but we came through safe. I still don’t understand how we did it!

4) Keep your eyes on the road

More than ten years before we did this bike trip, the same two guys (Me & Venkat) had a very interesting scooter episode.

Before I elaborate, please understand that we were young and “boisterous”.

Venkat and I picked up dad’s LML Vespa scooter and went to a movie theater. We got the tickets. We were too early for the movie and had a lot of time to spare.

So we decided to drive around the main road (MG Road) of our home town. I was driving (oh man!)

My sharp eyes saw 3 pretty ladies walking on the road and I was quick to point this out to my friend.

Venkat looked back and was checking out the ladies. Of course, I had to make sure Venkat was actually checking out the girls. So I looked back.

Unfortunately, we were only two and without any proximity warning on the scooter, we saw the rickshaw a little too late.

BHAM!

We were on the road, the scooter bent out of shape. We, uninjured, although I can’t say the same for our pride.

Too late, the girls saw all this – we checking them out, we NOT checking out the rickshaw!

We ended up walking the damaged scooter and the girls giggling at us.

Definitely not a story for my grand children.

5) Biggest decisions are done in the shower

Ever decided to go on a 1000 km round trip on your bike, alone?

Ever decided to do the above in the few minutes while taking a shower?

I did!

I had to! Decided while taking a shower, came out, packed a bag and left on 550km non-stop solo bike ride.

Returned back again in 48 hours. The return trip was an all-night road trip. At one time, I had to sleep in an abandoned bus shelter next to the highway.

Scary moment :- Running over a dead carcass (pig?) at 3AM while driving half-asleep!

Definitely something to tell my grand children

This blog is in response to the BlogAdda contest ‘Moments of Madness’ sponsored by Pringoo.

Inches from the edge at Khardung La, Leh

It was a 6-story building. Still under-construction, no walls, only the floor and the ceiling. I was on the terrace, on my bike – Royal Enfield Thunderbird.

The ceiling was sloping down, there were no walls to the terrace and I found myself at the edge of this slope, squeezing the front disc brakes so hard that my knuckles were shaking with the effort.

The brakes were the only thing stopping the bike from going over the edge and taking me down with it.

I was at the edge of death, barely holding  the bike, couldn’t let go of the brakes nor move this  350 kg (700 pound) bike back up the slope, it was just too heavy and too close to the edge.

What a place to be in!

I was terrified, helpless, weakening. A few people were on the construction site at ground level, but I had to shout to get their attention.

The situation was so precarious that I could not even shout, the first time I tried, the vibrations in my voice and body threatened the delicate “balance of life” being played out on the terrace. There would be no one to help me!

This was it. My strength was failing.I was going to fall to my death.

But this was impossible. How can I die?

Then I woke up i.e I became conscious/self-aware in the dream. I became Lucid.

As soon I realized that it was a dream, I just let go of the brakes.

And then I was falling. Time slowed down, everything was in slow-motion. But I was no longer a pawn in my dream, taking complete control – I started flying.

Flying and More

Flying is an awesome experience

The feeling was exhilarating, every human being would love to experience it (at least in their dreams). After flying around, I tested my new-found powers in the dream.

Next target – going through walls. It felt weird going through solid walls, concrete in your face, but it worked.

I was flying through walls and found myself in an office. There were 2 pretty secretaries at their desks, time to use my new-found powers on them.

To cut short a long story, things became too exciting and I woke up from the dream. WoW!

The most interesting part of my life happens after I sleep. My “overt-the-top” “out-of-this-world” imagination plays out much to my delight.

This is my dream world.

We all dream 3-4 times in a night. But most folks don’t remember their dreams.

Some think that they don’t dream at all (or very rarely). Some assume that remembering dreams (or dreaming) is sign that you did not have a good night’s sleep.

I feel fortunate for recalling most of my dreams. I also remember a few dreams which happened 10 years ago.

But the best thing – Quite a few of my dreams are plain AWESOME!

Just remember that our dreams seem to be very real while we are in them, the emotions or the reality is real – fear, happiness, joy, surprise, anger. We experience these feelings to the fullest in our dreams.

Lucid Dream

All these dreams are nothing compared to having a Lucid dream. However vivid a dream appears to you, it is still a dream to you. It appears so real while you dream and then you wake up to reality.

Now imagine that you actually become conscious in your dream. You become aware that you are in a dream, while you are dreaming. This is becoming Lucid.

Once you become aware that you are dreaming, the dream can be controlled. Imagine doing, being anything you want in your dream world and experiencing it with all our senses heightened.

My First Lucid dream

My dream took me back in time by 20 years, to my home town, Vijayawada. I was right outside my house.

Somehow I became aware that it was a dream, maybe because the landscape was so different from the present day.

I remembered my facts about Lucid dream and I had to do a Reality Check.

So I willed myself to fly, and I was suddenly off the ground.

I landed 500 meters ahead. A short ride, but OMG I flew!

Then I woke up. Being in control felt so real and incredible. But if  a dreamer gets over-excited they wake up, I guess that happened to me.

Joy by IrfaanPhotography

To clear any confusion, the following was written taking the free flow poetry concept. Inspired from Free Flow Poetry concept

How Does it Work?

1. Start playing this song.

2. Close your eyes or don’t look at the monitor.

3. Start typing while listening to the beat of the song.

4. Look up at the end result and maybe fix some typos (in my case I left the typos open)

simple and very simple
just like you
in the eyes of soul
now and now forever then
now there here in my heart
to you wherever you are forever
now i feel
you
now

in your heard then i will feel your pling in my heart
again again
i sense you will be there
please please please
live the hert? of anything
there will be one less
in my heart
there is no form
why do i hesitate
this was supposed to be simple
it started
and ended
but there is no end
finish to the start
as a cycle of hearts
beating to the same sounds
to stop and to hear
if it was as simple
life was
life is
going on forever
I know not
can fell the knot
it is just a rhyme
why do i try to keep up
I know i can stop

The world is coming to a standstill

My mind is coming to a standstill

I can’t think

I can only feel

Tears will not stop

Eventually they will run out

The sadness will continue though

I have no voice

I don’t trust my voice

I know that my heart is telling me something.

My mind, unfortunately, is not ready to understand

I know I made a mistake

I can just feel it. But I can’t understand it.

Maybe the mistake was God’s, he should have never let me be.

Maybe Maybe Maybe



There are only assumptions, questions, speculations

I’m trying so hard to understand my universe

I can’t even understand myself

The mind is at a standstill

My fingers move

My heart weeps

The mind knows, it is just a door.

Close it and another opens, the door of happiness

I can’t muster the will to close the door

I can’t or I won’t

Misery loves time, it would like to exist for eternity.

My heart is thirsting for it, it has been too long since it has tasted misery.

It wants it all, as much as can be filled, lest it may not come back.

Misery – Today you control my doors, but not for long.

When you fill up all the empty spaces, there would be no space,

soon you will be known,

soon my heart will have enough of your share.

It can’t  survive, not with you there in every pore.

Instinct takes over, fear will make me puke,

out you will flow, like the scum you always were.

Begone! I know you now. You have done your job.

Now let me be myself. It is time.

Let me search for my happiness.

Let me search and know that  ”I don’t have to search”.

It was always there – a tiny candle burning through the legions of darkness.

Life is good. But death seems safer.

I, Human, am just afraid.

Give me an easy way out.

I’m not asking God. I’m telling him that I can ask myself.

Will I ever see Her?

Help me Keshav, you are my only hope!